A short time ago, I was looking in the mirror and combing my hair after my shower. Suddenly, I saw something large and dark fall from the bathroom ceiling behind me.
I cautiously looked behind the trash can and saw a big reddish-brown spider. Listening harder, I could hear it singing, “This old man, he played one, he played knick knack on my thumb…”
“What in the Sam Hill are you doing?” I demanded. Shocked, the spider turned to look at me.
“Oh! I’ve heard about YOU from the yellow sack spiders. You always managed to get the upper hand with them, but not with me!” it squeaked. With that, it tried to scuttle along the wall, but it was no match for the mighty flyswatter.
After disposing of the body, I was lost in thought, disturbed that my nemesis had been in contact with spiders from the old country. Just then, I noticed a swarm of brown ants on the wall by the trash can. We had an ant problem earlier in the year, and seeing them made me irritated that they were back.
As I got closer, I realized, to my horror, that they weren’t brown ants at all. It was a swarm of about 50 baby reddish brown spiders!!! That spider I killed wasn’t auditioning for a children’s tv show at all. It was a mother singing to its babies!
I quickly jumped into action. Grabbing a paper towel, I went on a massive killing spree. The bathroom was filled with the din of their tiny screams of agony. I was very thorough in my attack. I was determined that not one would escape to warn headquarters.
Finally, I was down to one last straggler. It begged and pleaded. Then it tried to bribe me with the promise of information on more of my enemies.
So I killed it. Nobody likes a snitch.
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