Stress Test

A week and a half ago, I had my first stress test.  

When I arrived, I wasn’t sure if I would be having a physical test or a chemical one.  Chemical test, as it turned out. 

First, they had me get changed into not one, but two comfy hospital gowns in the Covid-19 virus pattern that I have come to love.  Every time I mention the virus pattern to nurses these days,  they always say that they had never thought of it that way.  Well, of course, not.  That’s what I’m there for!

Next, for fun, they shot me up with some radioactive dye.  I asked if I would glow in the dark afterward and they said no.  I was very disappointed.  I had never seen a radioactive Sharps container before, but it made sense.  

Then things got better.  They gave me cookies and water!  Score!  (First, they wanted to give me pop, but I don’t drink pop, so they gave me water instead.) So I spent the next half hour in a quiet little room with food and drink and a book on my phone to read.  BEST MEDICAL APPOINTMENT, EVER! 

After lounging and stuffing my face, they took me in for some preliminary scans.  I got to lie down and relax.  (This appointment is getting better and better!)

After the scans, another tech came and took me to the stress test room.  I got to lie down again.  (Yesssssss!)  But then things took a turn.  They tried to warn me what the chemicals would feel like, but that was nothing compared to the real thing.  Now I know why they buttered me up with cookies!  It felt like I couldn’t breathe!   They assured me that I could and should breathe – slow and deep breaths.  Slow and deep?  Slow and deep?!?  When it felt like I was being buried alive with several tons of hot earth on my chest?  Still, I (mostly) calmly voiced the fact that I didn’t like it.  I didn’t like it AT ALL.  They didn’t take pity on me but did say that it would all be over soon.  Yeah, when my heart EXPLODED, it would be over.  Harumph. 

True to their word, it was, indeed, a very short test.  Then I went back to the scanning room and got to lie down again.  After that, more cookies, water and quiet time!  The cookies almost made up for the torture.  Almost.